Suffocated

 Under Pressure

Hello everyone, I hope that you are all feeling great, that you enjoyed yourselves these past few weeks and that you are now full of positivity. As for me I would like to apologise to you about the fact that I broke my promise that I gave you two weeks ago. I have no excuses about this but I pinky promise you that I will make it up for you somehow. Untill then let's talk about feelings and specifically negative feelings.

Have you ever thought that you are useless or not good enough for someone? Have you ever concidered that you won't meet to someone's expectactations? Have you ever felt a pressure around you that drowns you until you get suffocated? Well if you haven't felt this way you are a really optimistic and very relaxed person who believes to himself. If you have felt this way welcome to my world.

I would like to begin by saying that I decided to talk about this spesific topic because I couldn't keep my feelings in check anymore due to the pressure that they cause me. As a person I seem really happy and optimistic, I try everyday to do my best and be a person who will make someone smile or laugh. But I'm not always like that. There are days where I don't want to talk to anyone, or that I get annoyed too easily. There are days where I feel really sad and vulnerable and days that I'm just angry for no reason. For me the worst kind of days are those where I get drown by my thoughts and I doubt myself or I think that I will disappoint everyone around me.

This have happend a few times in my life. One of them was two years ago when I was about to give exams for my English degree. I was so nervous and at the same time teriffided because everyone believed in me and they were so sure that I would succeed. This made me nervous because I didn't want to fail them nor disappoint them. I had this pressure on me that I coulnd't handle it so my moods were really weird. There were times that I would cry just because I couldn't concetrate or due to the tests.

This have also happend this year and specifically these few months. As I have said to you I have started greek lessons because in about one year and a half I will take my final exams that will determine in which university I will study. I know I shouldn't be worried about that and you are right I shouldn't and the truth is I don't. The problem is that during these months my confidence is gone and most of the times I feel extremely stupid. My classmates are so quick and so clever that I can't really be compared to them and that leads to me feeling bad about myself.

I don't know how to handle my emotions because most of the times are negative and I can't really cope with them. So I really wished that I was smarter than now or even more confident about my potentials. Unfortunately I'm not, I'm really incecure about myself and that affects me a lot. By writing about this a part of me is really peacefull because I finally talk about something that has been really bothered me for quite sometime now.

I am really thankful to you that you listen to me.

Write on comments about the problem that you cope or even if you don't, give me an advice on how to get through it.

Take care of yourselves and most important be happy